he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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