You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
