How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
