I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
