I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
