I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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