omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i think i just lost a toe
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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