the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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