I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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