just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
