They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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