i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
