So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are we still banned from the library?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
