I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
