My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
