is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
