Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
