i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
