So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
