Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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