It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
