so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
