i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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