Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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