so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
