Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
