Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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