My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
