saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
