Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
