break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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