Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
