you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
