I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
