At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
