Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
