you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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