FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
