It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
