I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
