why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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