everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
