just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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