I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
vagina is talking i cant
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
