Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
