1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
