He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
