I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
