I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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