since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
