the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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