Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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