i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
