Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
